I was Robbed

I can't imagine what you are thinking reading the title of this blog so I'll just repeat myself.  I was robbed.  It happened yesterday evening on the green line.  I was riding home and planning to switch over to the brown line.  I was contemplating my next scrabble move with Jaime and texting someone I was supposed to meet up for a date.  When out of no where I see these dark hands cover my hand and iPhone and then they start pulling.  My first thought was What is happening?  Well I start pulling back and this angers this 13yr old creep so he punches me center in the chest.  Looking back I wish I could say I kicked him in the knees or something, but I was totally shocked.  I spent all day thinking of what I should give up for lent and now all I could think was that I wish that kid had given up stealing for lent. 

I decided to grab my stuff (laptop bag, cracker barrel bag, and purse) and run after him.  I was abruptly blocked by another man who had two huge diamond earrings which I'm sure were probably subsidized by illegal iPhone sales.  He then says to me "He's gone girl...ain't no point."  So I shoved him and started running and screaming "SOMEONE GET THAT KID!  CALL THE POLICE!"  The kid turned back but he was pretty far down the platform.  A CTA manager jumped off the train and ran after him also.  I got to the bottom of the tracks but no doubt my yellow rain boots and ridiculous baggage probably didn't allow me to be lightning fast.  He was in fact "gone girl."  So now my mind is flipping out.  What the heck did I have on there?!  How am I going to call my date?! 

The CTA employee catches up to me since I was planning on just leaving and going home to change and get ready.  She was incredibly nice and called the CTA Police to do a camera scan and send the image of the kid over to the Chicago P.D.  We waited for 20min and finally the police showed up.  While we were standing there these group of kids walked by and it looked exactly like grey jacket with the huge diamond earrings.  If there is one thing I remember it's clothing.  They stopped the green line train and I had to board the train and ID this kid.  I felt awful because what if it wasn't him and he just so happened to be wearing the same gray jacket with eagle pendant on the side and jeans down to his knees.  The police took him off the train and searched him asked him where he was coming from etc.  He got really pissed and started saying I was racist and that I just picked the first black man I saw.  Ummm seriously?!  There were no white people on that platform at all. 

His friends get really upset and they get off the train and start screaming at me to which the 2nd police officer asked them if they wanted to get arrested.  Then he said "Look, if it was your sister you'd be saying 'is this the guy?!  I'm going to get him!"  Which I can totally picture the men in my family doing especially after they find out someone has punched me just to take something.  They get his information and we go downstairs.  It's now 5:55pm.  My date is at 6:30 I NEED to go home.  And yes I was terrified of being late, I figured my iPhone and chances of bruising were lost causes.  I need to get the smell of traveling on the 'el' off me.  We go downstairs and I give my statement and report and am classified as a Strong Arm Robbery w/No Weapon.  Awesome.  They also keep radioing in that the "victim needs to make it home for a date."  Apparently dispatch loved this so they said "Really?  With who?  Does she have his drivers license number?  We can find out about his priors."  This kind of softens me up and we end up talking for the next 20min about these police officers lives.  Officer Powell has been on the force 30yrs and recently had to bring her step son in because she found out he robbed someone.  I asked her if that was tough and she said "Girl it was one less mouth to feed for a week.  We did not bail his a-- out."  I immediately like her for that statement. 

Officer McGreedy (I am probably not spelling his name right) was really nice and he said "Lets take you home."  While the thought of going home in a police car was not exactly appealing I needed to get home ASAP.  They even let me ride in the front.  I think they could tell I was stressing out (about the date not the phone) and they asked if I wanted to turn on the sirens.  How could I pass that up?!  We only passed through 2 lights and I did feel guilty about making other people slow down but I figured I just cashed in on the ridiculous taxes I owe to the state of IL this year.  I got home and they both got out and gave me a hug said I was a funny girl despite what happened and that if I needed to call them back after they date they would be glad to since they were on overtime. 

You might be asking why the heck are you in Chicago?  I am asking myself the same thing.  Since I have been here I have witnessed a stabbing on my way to Rob W's Bronzville party, I had a stalker that my doorman at PT had to take down, I was attacked by a homeless man on my way to French class, a guy robbing a Walgreen's ran right into me and knocked me out, I have been hit by two cars downtown, I was attacked while running at night, I was assaulted at the Merchandise Mart stop on St. Paddy's day last year, and now I have been robbed.  I honestly have to be the worst statistic in Chicago at this point.  And if anyone has a job in Texas or really any other place in the world let me know.  At least you know why I started this blog. 
 

Tiny Bottle of Joy

I went on a blind date and the person who set us up will get to remain anonymous although if you would like them to set you up with any other of their family members after this story let me know.  We will call this guy Arnold, he is related to my blind date coordinator, how I'm not quite sure as they don't seem to share any of the same genes.  This guy was a towering 6'6, bright green eyes, and dirty blond almost brown hair.  He looked like Michael Douglas' character on Wall street with his slicked back hair and he kind of has thin lips like him too.  He was also very well dressed and took me to Capital Grille, so he got an A++ for appearance and restaurant choice. 

I arrived 5min past 8pm and he was there waiting for me.  One more point for him.  I had no idea what he looked like and I forgot to ask him but apparently my friend sent him my photo so he walked right up to me and gave me a bone crushing bear hug.  I was not expecting that and glad it wasn't just a complete stranger running to greet me.  Maybe I'm too formal, I'm more of a handshake or a "hey!"  with a head tilt type of gal.  Anyway he did smell very good.  No Aqua Di Gio, 5 points for that.  OK so I have a confession to make, I sometimes forget to put deodorant on.  But thankfully I have non-smelly armpits, probably because the years of swimming in heavily chlorinated waters did something to my sweat glands.  Now that you know that.  After I smelled him I immediately became panicked that after my post run shower I might have neglected to apply that oh so effective clear gel.  Mental note to self: double check as soon as he's not looking.  

The hostess greeted us and asked if we would like to check our coats.  I personally love when they take-off and put on your jacket and when guys take the time to do that it just seems very gentlemanly.  And shows that they care about you being warm first or they are showing off, either way it's a good thing.  Arnold declined to have her take his jacket which seemed a bit off considering it wasn't like she was going to wear it around while he left it in her care. Who knows maybe it's an expensive jacket. She reminded him it was complimentary and he finally conceded.  Great time for me to do a pit check.  However as I was running my fingers through my hair and turning my head towards my arm at the same time I noticed him reach into his pocket and pull out a dark bottle.  He casually put it in his suit coat pocket and put his hand on the small of my back to guide me to our table.  Was that a flask? What else would he be carrying around in his pocket?  Tall people forget that they cannot be sneaky or coy because short people have direct eye contact with all their pockets.  Ok, I'm not that short but it felt like his hips started at my shoulders.  So now my mind has left the deo problem and is wondering if I have an alcoholic on my hands.  Is he going to take sips at the table?  I wonder if he will offer me some.  I hope we don't get kicked out, I still have not brought any of my family here.

We sit down and he orders a really great Malbec, my personal favorite at the moment.  More points!  I wonder what the point of him ordering this wine is if he has some scotch in his pocket.  I try to get my mind off the weird bottle.  We start sharing customary stories about our family, job (he is a consultant), and what we do on weekends.  Before I know it I have already accepted 2 invitations to events that he's planning.  I will not be here for the next two weekends but I cannot bring myself to tell him because I cannot say no to people who make plans.  I love plans!  You make 'em and I will re-arrange my schedule to be there.  Unfortunately not very many of my friends are big on plan making.  They are fly by the seat of your pants type of gals and I think they would rather I make the plans.

Well our 1st course gets here and I got the chopped salad and he got the wedge salad.  As our waitress walks away he starts rifling through his coat.  At this point I'm really curious as to what is going on because he's making quite the production out of it and looks like he's frantic.  Plus I was waiting on him to begin eating.  As he's searching all his pockets he finally finds what he's looking for and he produces a small bottle that looks like a clear travel shampoo bottle filled with brown liquid.  What the heck is in there?  It is way to thick to be scotch or bourbon.  What the hell is going on here?!
 

I'm obviously not very good at hiding my facial expressions because my raised eyebrows and open mouth caused him to confess "Oh um, this is just A-1."  He said it so matter of fact that I considered it odd that I didn't carry around my own condiments.  I mean I do have a purse.  So after I snapped out of the green eyed trance I said "So what are you going to do with that A-1."  As I asked the question it was answered by his actions.  He was pouring it on top of his salad!  Our waitress walked back to see how everything was going and I realized I had not yet touched my salad because I was staring, and now so was she. 

He had to explain a second time that it was A-1 and he "love[d] the stuff" she also did not seem phased by it and said "That's neat I have never tried it on salad."  Green eyes?  Or is this just not that weird?  Apparently I was staring a bit too hard because he then felt he had to justify how great A1 is.  He also gave me a list of items that it can be paired with, some of his favorites:  eggs, spaghetti, waffles, mac & cheese, tomatoes, fried chicken, grilled pineapple and lemons.

Our next course arrives along with all of our sides.  I'm wondering if he is really going to put A-1 on his perfectly cut dry aged sirloin (or maybe it was a porterhouse) either way it was cooked perfectly.  My fillet oscar looked delicious but I couldn't help but staring.  He did indeed defile his steak by pouring the remaining contents of his little brown bottle of joy all over the steak as well as his asparagus and Parmesan truffle fries.  I couldn't help but want to shout NO! NOT THE TRUFFLE FRIES!  And I did. I spoke up probably a bit too loud "Hold up!"   I scooped up some fries and dropped them on my plate as if I had just saved them.  "Don't douse them with A-1 yet!"  Apparently A1 is a very dear friend of his and he did not take kindly to my insulting of his friend.  I'm sure I would be best friends with someone I spent every meal with too.

After I scooped up as many fries as I could before he started to pour he said "Why are you so bothered by the A1?"

"I'm not, I just really wanted to taste the Parmesan and truffle flavors...and I ummmm already know what A1 tastes like."

"Well you seem to really hate A1.  I didn't douse it on everything," he responded.

I sat there staring at the empty 5oz bottle thinking Yes you did you reh-tard.  But I was busted...I do not have love for A-1.  Whats the point if you have a well cooked piece of meat in front of you?!  So I try to tell a white lie.  What I say and what my face is saying are not quite in sync.

"I don't hate it at all in fact I tried the A1 Whataburger and I used to put it on meat in the 7th and 8th grade," as this came out of my mouth I realized what it sounded like and I ended up mumbling the last portion of the sentence. 

"So...I have the taste buds of a middle schooler...very nice Miss Garza," he snipped.   

What I wanted to say and what I should have said were at opposing ends of my mouth pulling my tongue in different directions so I chose to bite my lip and concentrate on savoring my perfectly cooked fillet.  He looked a bit offended and pensive each time I glanced up.  And thus we spent the remainder of the entree in silence.  I don't know why I didn't break the silence, maybe I was just a bit weirded out that he got so testy about a condiment or maybe the overwhelming smell of A1 broke the green eyed spell.  

We were finished with our meal and our waitress was back asking us if we wanted dessert.  I know from first hand experience that the flourless chocolate cake is amazing but I was ready to go home.  Not a good sign.  He asks me what I want and I decline stating that I was full.  He then proceeds to order the chocolate cake.  I then start wondering...Will he put A-1 on the cake?  I decide to ask.  
"Are you going to put A-1 on dessert?"

Arnold:  "Are you kidding?"

Me:  "Well you did say waffles and pineapple and well I just was curious"

Arnold:  "At least you think you are funny."

We are stuck in silence again.  Silence to me is like being tortured, I hate empty pauses and I love to chat.

The dessert arrives.  And he did not answer my question so I am still genuinely curious.  He hands me the second fork and I watch as he glances at the bottle (which he has propped up against the sugar in between the salt and pepper so he could get every last drop out).  There is no more A1 left.

Me:  Well it looks like you are all out.  Unless of course you have a second bottle in the other coat pocket.  

In my head I am having a blast.  At least I think this is funny.  I am apparently grinning and luckily he thinks I have a nice smile because he says "If you didn't have such a contagious smile I probably would be really annoyed."  We end up laughing but I'm still very baffled by the whole A1 addiction.  

THE VERDICT & LESSON LEARNED

Although we could have fun together I don't think I could allow his closest friend to tag along at every meal.  I do want to eat at Moto sometime, and I'm sure they would kick us out for A-1 usage on molecular gastronomy's finest cuisine.  Lesson Learned: Just because he looks like a dream guy, doesn't make him a dream guy.

Crazy Heart

Well I went to see the movie Crazy Heart tonight and the songs in the movie were amazing.  There were a few lines that have been running around in my head “You feel like you’re flying when you’re falling but only for a little while.”  And “This is no place for the weary kind… pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try” at least I think that’s how they went.  It was a great movie.  It did however remind me of my brother Bryan who passed away 3yrs ago.  When you lose a sibling or any family member for that matter they take a bit of you with them.  Or they leave a piece of them with you, but it’s more like a shard of glass in your heart that you learn to live with until of course something reminds you that it’s there and it starts to tear and sting again.  The movie reminded me of Bryan because of the title and because of the country music.   He went through a rap phase and gave me all of his country CD’s which I gladly took off his hands.  So the feeling that I’m sitting with right now, or that is sitting on me, is one of extreme longing.  I would do anything to talk to my brother again; I didn’t call him often enough after I moved to Chicago and I wish that I had done so more often. 

    

Of all my family members he generally gave the best advice, not because it was very well thought out or because I was motivated to follow it but because it was hilarious and we laughed and made up fake scenarios of what would happen if I followed it.  Generally the advice only fell into one of two categories when it came to guys.  He told me to quit being so stubborn, annoying, ridiculous, selfish, immature (that was his favorite).  You get the point.  Or he would say something along the lines of “What is his name again?  I’m going to kick his !”  I know that’s not really advice but it generally gave me the red light about someone or just made me feel protected, because he was 100% serious.  So if Bryan got to meet one of these guys that had upset me I ended up having to make up fake names or say “No this is Mark F. not Mark S. totally different Bryan.”  My brother was no fool and it did not stop him from giving the side eye or the glare but at least he let me go on making my man mistakes without beating anyone up.

I don’t want to leave my two other brother’s out because they give great advice but it’s a different type of advice from Bryan.  My oldest (Kevin) and younger (Billy) brothers don’t have that “I hope he does say something to me!  I will lay him out!” attitude when something goes wrong.  They jump into the “What is the best response/solution for you” and “How can we fix this?”  Kevin and Billy are very calm, patient, rational, and analytical guys it takes an unbelievable amount to upset or shake them.  I’m sure this patience developed from having to deal with Bryan and Myself.  My brother Bryan and I were cut from the same cloth we have competition, passion, and emotion running through our veins.  I feel like I’m missing my partner, the brother who agreed with me no matter how crazy or ridiculous I seemed.

Just like “Bad Blake” and my brother Bryan, I have quite a crazy heart.  It has a mind of its own, and it does what it wants.  And since I cannot talk to Bryan and tell him all about my ever changing life I will just have to replay conversations from the past and hope that I get to see him in my dreams tonight.  Love you Bry Bry and miss you even more.

Plenty of Weirdos

The other day I was thinking how it was kind of sad that I've met very few people outside of bars and clubs. I've met people through friends and one guy at church but no one that I would really want to date. I've also met a really great guy that I'm kind of dating right now (his story will come later) but what if I haven't met EVERYONE!? At the suggestion of Kerry and the cohersion of Lindsey who has a very hot boyfriend I joined her dating site where she met him. Who knows it might provide for some interesting stories. Turns out I was correct in my assumption.


Within the first 30min of signing up I already had 11 messages waiting for me. I thought it might be a glitch or a joke, but it was not. I think it was because I signed up during prime web surfing hours. Some of these men were handsome and very funny. Some of them were not. In fact I probably had more strange people than I did normal guys. Here are the Top 5 strange ones:
1. The Self Pity Guy - His message actually said "You probably won't want to go on a date with me because you are really hot. I'm not even expecting a message back but I wanted to tell you that you have a great smile. I'm sure some guy is going to be really lucky and snap you up. Well bye...Hope you have a good evening. Even his photo looked depressing. I did send him a message back with some self confidence and grooming tips along with advice on photos he should remove if he wants to go on any dates along with a "Best Wishes" note. He will message me back when he trims his hair, shaves his face and has a happy photo.
2. The Fact Guy - This guy's message was titled "Interesting Fact" which if anyone doesn't know, I LOVE facts. Unfortunately his fact was "Did you know that there are 33 registered sex offenders in your zip code? That's quite disturbing...mine only has 11 be careful. By the way my name is Alan, it's nice to meet you." I did respond to this guy as well and tell him that if he wanted to go on dates with women he should probably find some better facts about their neighborhood that do not involve people who have faced criminal punishment.


3. The TMI Guy - His initial email was great and he looked very handsome. Dark hair, blue eyes, his profile said 6'1 and he is "thin". So I responded to his message then he responded with all sorts of intimate facts about himself some of which I haven't even shared with my mom not to mention a total stranger. The fact that stood out like a hippie at the Board of Trade was that he was a NUDIST! Not only was he a nudist he was very proud of it and he even asked me not to judge and just "go with the flow." I wrote back that I have cellulite and body image issues there will be no meeting up with or without clothing." I'm sure that's a really great strategy for guys, pretend to be a nudist and see if you can get a girl who will be "open" to the idea just once.


4. The Frat Guy - This guy has a Phi Kappa Psi Fraternity Dinner and would like me to be his date. Unfortunately he was 22 and I was not about to go there. I also think his picture was of Ryan Phillipe and not really him, he was way too cute. Maybe I might have to re-think this. I could go back and relive my college years, I did have a fantastic time back then.
5. The Old Guy - "Would you consider dating someone older?" I was thinking, "how old, is old?" I looked at his profile and he is 58! I decided at this point I could never marry for money. Correction: I could never marry an old, ugly, weird, man for money. A good looking, fun guy I could marry for money. But honestly 58?! He's older than my mom! Sorry Mom, I know you wanted to pretend to be 45 for a few more years. Then I realized I think I need to adjust the settings. I changed it from 0 - 99yrs old to only 26- 38yr olds. I even think 38 might be too old for me but who knows. I did go on a date with a 40yr old hunky pilot.