The Great Burrito Date

I've had a few emails from people asking why I haven't been on any dates latley. I haven't been on any dates since the begining of summer for a few reasons. 1. I've been busy traveling, and when I am here I want to spend time outdoors with good friends. 2. I have been studying for the GMAT (Send me some good vibes people, I'll be taking my test tomorrow!). and 3. My last date was also one that would send most girls into thinking that dating might be too much of a hassle.

So I met this person whom I'll call Buddy at my old Church in lakeview. I'm not going to lie I didn't go very often but I did make a couple of friends while I was there.  A few were very into volunteering and I really enjoyed helping with the children's programs through Chicago Cares. I met Buddy through a girl at church who brought him along to a coffee meet up. She thought we would be a "great match" after she saw us interact.  What constitutes a "great match?"  Because none of those dates have worked out, ever.
 
So a little bit about my date, he is about 6'2 with a runners build, dark brown eyes, and deep olive skin.  Basically tall, dark, and handsome with a bit of preppy charm.  I knew he was incredibly friendly since I had met him once before during a volunteer outing with Chicago Cares.  If a guy volunteers on a Saturday morning you know that he has a good heart, and Buddy is no exception.  I was pretty excited to go out with him since I knew he was a nice guy and my friend stamped her seal of approval. 

When we coordinated this date all we had spoken about was him picking me up at 7:30pm and going out for dinner.  I had a new sleeveless v-neck deep blue and tan wrap dress that was ready for a spin.  I paired it with cute navy blue heels and got giddy for the date.  At 7:25pm he was downstairs and ready to pick me up.  As I walked outside of my building I didn't see a car.  I searched and saw a guy with a helmet waving to me from a scooter.  This isn't happening to me.  I faked an excited smile (the smile where you show ALL your teeth) and cautiously walked over. 

As I checked him out I noticed he was wearing a casual forest green polo t-shirt, jeans, and black chuck taylors.  He looked extremely casual.  He took off his helmet and had a huge grin on his face.  "Wow you're really dressed up cutie!"  I smiled clenching my jaw this time pressing my lips together tightly.  This isn't even a real motorcycle.  "Yeah, I didn't even realize that you had one of these I've only seen your car," I said as energetically as possible.  He grinned and said "It's my new toy.  I thought you would want a bit of adventure, plus we aren't going very far."  I thought about changing but figured it would take too long and I would seem high maintenance.  He let me wear the helmet and we took his scooter down Clark Street towards division.  I was wondering where we were going but didn't want to ask until we got to a stop light since I was afraid of bugs going in my mouth.  As soon as we got to the corner of division and state street he parked the scooter and went to pay for the meter.  He helped me put on the helmet so I wasn't exactly sure how to take it off.  After struggling and looking like an animal that got their head stuck into a small container I finally got it off as he was walking back from the meter.  He looked at me and laughingly said "Wow quite the hair you've got there now."  I looked at my reflection in a nearby store window and my  hair looked similar to a troll doll from the early '90s, there was no way I was going to get rid of this static cling.  I tried to pat it down as best as possible but just shrugged and decided this date was going to continue going down this path so I might as well enjoy it.

He helped try to smooth out my hair then he started to lead me towards our destination.  We walked right up to the Chipotle on the corner and he opened the door.  I wasted a good outfit.  I hope I don't see anyone so I can wear this dress this weekend.  He saw the look on my face and said "I picked this place because I heard how much you loved it."  I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had given it up since I was trying to lose weight.  I would make an exception.  We ordered and as he was paying he suggested we get a few beers.  We ordered a few beers sat down at one of the wooden booths and got to chatting.  He casually mentioned a surgery he had due to an old sports injury.  As we were finishing up, he asked if I wanted to stay and keep drinking.  I was enjoying the conversation so I agreed and he went up to the counter and ordered 4 more beers.  I was nursing my current beer at the time and didn't think I'd be drinking more than two.  Plus I didn't even think this guy drank so I was pretty surprised when he came back with two more for each of us. 

As the conversation progressed and he finished his two beers, I realized he was getting very loud and loopy.  I knew I wasn't going to finish my beer so I gave it to him.  Bad decision.  After 20 more minutes passed his words were slurring and he was really giggly and touchy.  I asked him if he was alright and he said that he was fine.  We kept on talking but I couldn't tell if I was the drunk one or if he was really that messed up after four beers.  I started wrapping up the conversation and got up to throw away our food when I saw him wobbling as he stood up.  When I walked over to him he turned around and I could see that his eyes were a bit glassy and he had that "I'm wasted" look on his face.  You know the look, where your squinty eyes and raised eye lids are desperatly trying to keep your eyebrows from falling down your face.  I jokingly said "I think you roofied yourself instead of me."  He looked shocked, then said "Oh god I didn't think the codine would be this strong."  An alarm went off in my head.  I had recently had a girlfriend who had taken a muscle relaxant and/or pain medication and threw up violently in my apartment after only a few drinks.  I don't think he could tell I was worried but I was getting that sinking feeling.  I went into a mom mode and asked what he took.  He rattled off some pill names that I didn't recognize except for hydrocodone.

Luckily I knew he lived close by so I held out my hand and helped him stand.  He ended up resting his lanky 6'2 frame on my shoulder.  The employees at Chipotle and the other diners were staring at me and I shook him a bit.  His eyes perked up and he started a string of apologies.  As we walked outside I told him that he couldn't drive his scooter.  Luckily he didn't fight me but he did try to walk on his own and after one step his equilibrium sent him tumbling into a parked car.  To our luck an officer was across the street and came over to investigate what was happening. 

The officer and his partner walked over and started interogating Buddy.  "What were you two doing tonight?"  His response "dayyyyyte" followed by chuckling.  After three questions I figured they were going to write him up for public intoxication so I interupted and said "Look he had surgery and whatever he took is not going well with the three beers he had tonight, this has been a nightmare of a date, can I please just take him to his house."  The officers looked at me and said "Three beers?"  I'm assuming they were thinking I drugged him.  Buddy said "yeah and I never drink."  They asked me where he lived and I told them it was 4 blocks away.  Buddy was leaning against the car he fell into and he put his index finger up to my face and said "Shhhhh".  The officers looked at me and asked if I would be ok taking him home.  In retrospect I probably should have asked them to help me.   We walked the blocks to his house and I had to sit him on the step to his extremely nice walk-up while I opened the door.  As we walked in I realized that he had a 3 or 4 story level home and I would more than likely have to get him up more stairs.  Getting him up there was pretty humerous and we sat on the 2nd floor laughing since he was so dizzy.  When we finally got to his room I sat him on the edge of the bed and helped him take off his shoes.  He kept apologizing and laughing at how funny this all was.  I felt bad for him because I could tell he was a bit embarassed, before I left I went downstairs to get him some water.  As I was making him finish the water and saying bye he shot up and said "Oh damn my scooter!"  He asked if I would bring it back to his place.  I said I would make sure to move it so it wouldn't get towed but I would be taking it to my building and he could come by to get it the next day.  He apologized and I made the walk back to Chipotle and to his scooter. 

I set out back the way I came and weighed my options.  I could try and drive the scooter home, or I could call someone.  I decided that watching Buddy drive did not qualify me as a scooter driver so I had to call someone to help me.  While walking I looked through my phone for someone who would possibly be awake and close by.  I almost called Chad who lived 1 block away but I figured it would be weird telling someone I formerly dated to help me take home a scooter of someone I went on a date with.  I settled for my married neighbor, Sam.  I tried to be brief but in his questioning I ended up telling him the entire story of how I came to be in posession of a scooter.  It took about 2 solid minutes for him to stop laughing.  Luckily he got out of bed and came to help me.  When he arrived he walked up to give me a hug and said "Wow, you look really nice for Chipotle.  And I can't believe you still smell like a burrito."  I responded with, "I think it's the smell of sadness."  We both ended up breaking out into laughter and I showed him how to start the scooter and we set off for our building.  He made me wear the helmet despite my protests.

We were able to park the scooter in my building's garage and since the valet guys found my story and my post helmet hair so entertaining they didn't charge me.

I was punk'd by a deaf man!

Today I woke up at about 6:50am after pressing snooze for 45min.  At 6:54 I got a call from my doorman downstairs saying "Hey Clara, your co-worker Joan is here to pick you up, he's outside waiting." I responded with "Ok great, tell him I'll be down in 5min."  I was like WHAT?! I had completly forgot he would be here at 7am to take me to Hoffman Estates for a walk through of an event we are both working on. I literally got dressed in 4min, brushed my hair, put on minimal make-up and packed a banana for breakfast. When I got to downstairs my co-worker said "Wow you look very nice." I feel like crap since I didn't get to shower. I was going to try and rinse off but figured it wasn't a good idea on time. I just ran out and hoped I didn't smell.

Then the real fun part happened. We had to go to meet our event coordinator Joe.  Joe is hearing impaired. I think we spoke for about 20min about Marley Matlin the deaf actress. He's in love with her. Anyway he kept saying "Huh" and "what" so I kept speaking louder to help him out while telling him how I wanted each room to look and what he had to move in or out. Two other people showed up and kept giving me dirty looks because I was shouting.  After being there for 30min I decided I had to say something.

So I said "Look Joe you're going to have to turn up your hearing aid, people think i'm verbally abusing you." Joe turns to me with a sly grin and says "Oh I just like doing that to people who make me work hard, I can actually hear you pretty well and you are the easiest person to lip read." The man is hilarious and I have to give him credit for playing a pretty good joke on me.

Sol Part 2: The Letter

If you read "Sol Part 1" you know that on most Tuesdays or at least 3-5 days out of the month I spend an evening with my neighbor Sol.  In the time I have known him he has turned into a mentor/grandpa/abba/friend all rolled into a 5'7 pudgy, crotchety, wrinkly, hard of hearing 80yr old man.  And yes he read that description before I wrote it.  He asked that I include that 30yrs ago he was still quite the charmer.  I beg to differ, he is still quite the charmer.  During one of our first evenings out he asked me "Why are you out to dinner with me?  Don't you have a boyfriend?"  I sassily said "I do not have a boyfriend, but I don't think I'm ready to date an 80yr old yet."  I often use humor to avoid answering questions that make me uncomfortable but it didn't work. He continued down the same line of questioning "You're a smart ass.  What's wrong with you?  I was married by your age.  And ready to have kids.  What are you doing with your spare time?"  I laughed and said "Well Obviously...God wants me to have more fun as a single person than he did you."  This is how our relationship goes.  One snide comment deserves another. 

Me Chasing Sol Down

On our walks he has given me advice on my career (Turns out he was a very successful Banker in his time), he has helped me pick out furniture "Don't spend your money on that, I'll just give you my sofa I only use my recliner anyway", advice on family, along with plenty of dating advice.  I could tell a dozen Sol stories but it would require an entire book. 

I have lived in my new building a little longer than a year and out of that year about 8 of those months were spent getting to know this old guy.  I'm not sure if he has benefited from knowing me but I can tell you that he knows about the Bravo Real Housewives Series, he is a fan of the bachelor, he reads my old People Magazines, he's been to more movies this year than his entire life combined, he says things like 'I'm jazzed', he traveled to California, loves wine tastings, and he likes to eat out at nicer restaurants (read: places that don't have a $1 menu or scratchy voiced waitresses named Flo) now. 

I didn't realize how much I appreciated this relationship until he had several mini-strokes early in the morning at the start of Memorial Day Weekend.  Fortunately he was found by a neighbor, Barbara.  At 3pm on Thursday I got a call from a doctor at Northwestern stating that my friend was in the hospital and they needed a family member at the hospital.  They couldn't get in touch with his Son who lives in the suburbs so I was taxed with getting in touch with his son or heading down there myself.  I left work and headed over.  I got there 10minutes after the call but I had to sit down and mentally prepare myself to see him.  I'm not good in hospitals, somehow when I see sick people it feels like I'm absorbing their pain and it hurts my entire body to be near them.  I was also afraid he was about to die.  After 30minutes of shaking it off I walked into his room.

I walked to the nearest nurse to ask her where he was located.  She took me over to an office and asked me how I was related to him.  I explained that his doctor called me because they were unable to get in touch with his son.  She looked at his chart and said "What is your relation to him?" and I said "Well I'm like a granddaughter I guess."  She looked at me with questioning eyes and I looked at her back with "what the hell lady" eyes.  She said "Oh he just said that his girlfriend would be coming in."  I'm sure I turned every shade of red and just couldn't help but rolling my eyes.  I had a feeling he wasn't in such bad shape after all.  She led me to his room and said "Just be patient with him he's struggling to speak a bit but his symptoms could go away as soon as 24hrs so he needs to try and work at it.  He gets frustrated very easily."

He was hooked up to a monitor and looked like he was asleep but as soon as I stepped I heard the mechanical raising of the hospital bed.  He slurred the words "Wha slooooook so long?"  My scrunched up worry face turned into a smile. I said "Well why did they call me if you were fine?"  He wrote on a piece of paper that Barbara had come to find him around 7am because he had not met her downstairs.  I told him to try to speak so he could practice.  He tried to eek out the words that he was trying to reach for the phone when everything blacked out.  I was very sad that he was having trouble speaking but he needed to exercise those muscles so as he started to write I took away his paper and pen.  He made the international "I am going to slit your throat" sign and reached for the pen and paper.  I pulled it out of his reach.  He was so frustrated he was slurring words I didn't even understand and I'm sure cursing at me.

Prior to his strokes we had a long conversation about relationships.  Sol is 80 and has a few broken relationships with close family members.  I asked him why he didn't apologize, and tell them how he really felt.  He got very upset and I told him that he should write a letter to those people if he felt he could not face them.  He laughed at me and said that people didn't care anymore.  We had a roundabout discussion for another hour about how important it is to tell people before you die because everyone loves to hear that they are loved regardless if they care for that person in return.  His response "You just love hearing about how much people love you."  Which is true, so I said "I'm sure if people told you more often how much they love you, you'd be less grouchy."  He finally agreed with me but only because it was getting close to his bed time and I was wearing him out. 

After visiting hours were over he asked me to go into his apartment and shut some things off.  I said I would do so, then he said "Can lew mail muh levvers in the entry way.  And look on duusk for envelope wis jur nayme lon it."  I asked him what it was and he said that it was something important he wanted to tell me.  He added, "You nosey, jooo wouulve read eh-neway."  This is also true.  I went back to his apartment and found this half written letter which he gave me permission to put on my blog minus one paragraph...

Dearest Clara Ann,

After our conversation last night I realized that I should take your advice.  Very funny right?  Take the advice of a 27yr old.  I have been on this earth for 80yrs and I didn't start living until I met you.  I lived early in my life but I died when my wife died. I was just waiting around until I could see her again.  Last night you said "Why wait until you die?  Why not just tell them now?"  I am sure that you just wanted to know if you were going to get a letter.  You have the longest letter and I have known you the shortest time.

You have been a force of life and you have changed an old man who was very set in his ways.  I was ready to die and be with my wife and then miss loud talking lady moved onto our peaceful floor.  When I first spoke to you there was a genuine care and you did not know me.  You remembered little things I said in passing, and then you invited me for a walk.  I don't know why you would want to walk with a grouchy old man but you found my attitude endearing rather than off putting like most people do.

In the months that I have come to know you I know that for a 27yr old you have more wisdom and understanding than I ever had.  You understand that life is to be made to the fullest.  And though you are very willing to share your stories of travels, many accidents, and people you meet. You rarely speak of yourself that would allow people to see into you.  You have a very heavy guard.  It took you 7 months to tell me the story of why you moved here.  You had your heart broken in the very worst of ways and I never would have known.  You kept a smile on your face and you listened to me talk for 7months and you never shared this!  I was depressed for almost 4yrs after my wife died.  I know you say that 4yrs and 60 are not the same but the love is the same.  You love someone and when they are gone you cannot [he didn't finish]  

You will find love some day, I know you are not in any rush but I do hope that you hurry a little I would like to be alive to meet the man you choose to fall in love with.  I do mean choose.  So many people love you and you need to pick a special man who will appreciate your gifts.

You have many gifts.  The gift of leadership.  Even I want to follow you and do what you do.  I say things like "I am jazzed" or "We must live it up" and my favorite "retard" and my friends wonder why I talk like this now.  You have the gift of acceptance.  I had never met a gay man and now I am friends with 2 of them and I'm not afraid they will try and come after me.  I may be 80 but I still have got it.  You also were accepting of the fact that I wanted you to convert.  You said something I have repeated many times.  "I'm so glad you shared your religion with me.  Someone's religion is the single most important thing to them and for you to want to share that with me means you care deeply about me.  Thank you."  Now when people want to share about their religion, I don't become irritated I thank them!  I still would like you to consider Judiasm.  You have the gift of persuasion.  I became a "yes" man.  I say yes to the party.  And the party is Clara, make no mistake.  I have stayed up later than normal, I go out for wine, I went on a date, I joined a painting class, I went on a cooking class with you, and I have traveled to California at my old age.  I am living this life up!  The last is the gift of honesty.  This is why people follow you, you are who you are and make no mistake it's an incredible woman that you are.  You are not afraid to say things that others are.  You tell me that I am going to die and I need to make the most of the years I have left.  You tell me when I am rude or being "crotchety."  You should not use that word anymore it's terrible.  You have no fear of the truth, especially when it is not nice.

My dear friend I write this letter to you because you are special.  Don't go gloating, part of the special is that you have no clue about it.  There are no words to describe the gift you have given me and you did it all without motive or reason.  You just did it because you love to love and that is truly your greatest gift.

May you continue to be blessed always.

Your old man friend,

Sol

Of all the things I have ever received in my life this has been the most touching present.  Don't waste time in telling people how much they mean to you.  This letter means more than words could ever express and I know if I am ever having a rough day I can read this and get a jolt of love.  I am so very thankful for this letter but even more appreciative of my unexpected friendship with Sol. 

Sadly, Sol is no longer my neighbor and he has moved into the suburbs to be close to his son in a retirement facility West of Chicago.  Although he hates technology he now has a cell phone and calls me at least once a week to tell me stories about his plans of breaking out.  He gives me whispering instructions like, "Listen to me!  Just be here at 3pm on Thursday so we can break out of this place and get ice cream or better yet wine."

Before I posted this I asked his permission since this was such a personal letter.  His response, "I would be honored.  Plus you probably already shared with people."  When I was taking too long to post it his next comment was "Will you write about me before I die please, I need to show people here that I made it onto the computer screen."  I made a second request, "Sol, I want a photo of us to attach it to the blog post."  He said that I could take a photo with him but I was not allowed to publish it since he doesn't look his usual "handsome" self.  So instead here is the next best thing...I love you Sol!

Adventures in Shopping

My friend Rob, who is also my running partner, was in need of a gift for his "muh lady friend."  I don't exactly know how this nickname came about but the guys are convinced I came up with it since I also call Judy (Sam's wife) Judy booty.  And sometimes I call her JCB "Judy Cutie Booty."  I'm big on nicknames and if you have met me then chances are that you have one.  It helps me remember names, of course I have to hear the name correctly at first for this trick to work.  However, this trick can backfire if you can't remember the name and just the nickname which happened at camp when I gave Randy the nickname "Beef Cake."  So much for that memory game.

Anyway back to the story.  So I agreed to help Rob as long as he went with me to try on dresses for an upcoming event.  So as we were looking at the watches and jewelry and discussing what an acceptable price range for a gift would be I hear my name being called in a strong Spanish accent.  I immediately look around for my grandma who is 5'1 with curly reddish blond hair, normally seen in a gold track suit, and enough bling to be a human disco ball.  However, Grandma Connie is no where to be found.  But there is another woman with bright red hair shouting "CL-AH-DAH" (that's how you pronounce Clara in Spanish) over and over. I look over at Rob who has turned away from the sales woman and is watching wide eyed as this tiny woman bolted over to me.  I have no idea who this woman is!  She is about 5'0 with her heels on, but her spirit felt like a QB with a defensive player running towards me.  When Rob and I talked about this later he said "I think you're confusing her spirit with the 1/3 bottle of cologne she had on." 

I'm smiling nervously and she slowed her trot down to a confused walk.  Then she tilts her head to her shoulder and says in Spanish "Do you remember me?" I start jogging my memory.  She was so excited to see me and now she looks really confused so I said in Spanish "You know, I do remember you a little."  Rob squeezes my shoulder.  He has no idea what is being said because he doesn't speak Spanish, but I think he's getting the idea of the conversation.  "Well ummm."  And she says "It's me Sonya from your flight to Tejas las jear."  I fly to Texas pretty often to see family and because I'm chatty I talk to probably 2 people each leg of flights that I am on.  So the mental Rolodex of people I have spoken to was pretty long.  Then she says "You predicted my future and prayed for me."  Then under his breath I hear Ron say "Oh Dear God."

The picture of her former self and our conversation started to come back to me.  I did remember her!  She was on the flight from ORD to DFW, was about 80lbs heavier, and she could hardly fit into the seat.  She was so upset when the stewardess told her in a snippy tone that she would need an extender for her seat belt.  She kept apologizing and not knowing what to say I said "Don't worry, you're fine. These seats are tiny."  And she pet my hand and said "Thank you."  This opened up introductions and the reason for travel.  I don't remember in detail what we talked about but I remember feeling awful and in my mind the thought bubble "How can you help her?" popped up.

So back to Nordstrom.  I introduce Rob to my now petite friend and I lean over to tell him "We met on a flight to Tex...."  Before I can finish she jumps into the conversation with her Spanish accent "Jes and I talk her about my deh-borce and she says to me 'Sonya you can do it! Get Goals.'  Pray hard and work hard for de life jew want!"  After her story she hugs me and says "I hab company of cleaning ladies now!  I have a company Clah-dah!!"  She can't seem to stop squeezing me and she even grabs my hand as we're talking and pets it.  After a few minutes of catching up Rob and I politely excused ourselves.  As we are leaving Sonya says to Rob  "Dees girl is real eh-special my friend!"

Rob looks at her and says...."Trust me I know.  We met on a bus."