Cancer Sucks

The last two days have been brutal.  On Monday I was up at 3am with anxiety about missing my 4am alarm clock.  Then I couldn't go back to sleep because my mind was racing about the algebra homework that I still had to complete.  At 3:45am I gave up and started doing math homework.  Then I jumped in a zip car at 4:30am because I remembered I forgot to leave my gift for a child I sponsored at work and my heels were under my desk.  I rushed back to wait in my lobby for my co-worker to pick me up at 6am.  We had to be there at 7:30am to start set up of a summit my company was hosting.  He was late because his scraper was frozen inside his car and he couldn't open any of his car doors.  He had to use his bottle opener on his key chain to de-ice and carry warm water back and forth from his condo to pour on his truck.  He finally showed up at 6:50 and we got to the even location at 8:45am.  It took us about 2hrs to drive 35miles.  I ran around trying to get things set up in a room that was 20 degrees because the heat was not on and they couldn't find the person with the key to the control area.  By 6pm we were 90% complete but we had to go to dinner with our boss.  I was still freaking out about math the entire drive home but when I got home at 10:30pm I fell asleep with my head in my books.

The next day I woke up over and over starting at 3:30am.  We had to do it all over again but this time we made it there by 7am, and after the summit I had to go to my GMAT math course from 6:30pm - 9:30pm.  During class I got a message from my friend that Sol my neighbor had been taken to Northwestern for tests and they were trying to get in touch with me.  I rushed over to the hospital at 9:45pm and was able to bypass normal visiting hours and see my friend.  I got the run down from the doctors that he was probably faking sick because he dislikes his new nursing home so much.  He swore he was ill.  After the nurses kicked me out I walked to the nearest bus stop and waited.  Normally I would have jumped in a cab but I had no cash.

As I was waiting there I sat my heavy bags down next to a girl and she said "Do you want me to move over so you can sit too?"  I thanked her and as soon as she moved an inch I threw myself into the tiny spot she vacated for me.  She kept staring at me and I realized I forgot to thank her for the seat.  Her response was "Well.  You look exhausted.  Long day?"  I'm sure "long day" was a rhetorical question but I proceeded to tell her about the hours prior to my encounter with her.  After I was done giving the rundown of my sleepless nights and terrible math abilities I asked how her day went.  "So now that you know my last 48hrs how were your Monday & Tuesday?"

We were now facing each other and she had a bit of apprehension and slowly said "Well I'm not sure if I'm glad or sad but today was my last chemotherapy session.  I find out how it all went next Wednesday."
I smiled and said "Well don't I feel like an asshole.  I should have asked first."  We both laughed and I asked her about treatment and she told me that she wishes she had as much energy as I did for the last two days.  I couldn't tell how big she was but when we got up to get on the bus she was about 5'7 and seemed to have a very thin frame.  She said that after therapy she felt so sick she just wanted to sleep and didn't have the energy to even get her nails done.  Not that it was any consolation but I showed her my chipped nails and said "Well if it's any consolation, even if you get them done it's not guaranteed they will look good."

We talked for a while especially since we were at the start of our bus drivers shift so she took her 15min break with the two of us on board.  We talked about quite a few things and I learned she had to take vacation days from work to get her treatments done, she helps her family pay their bills, and she loves her life.

As our bus got going again I asked her if she was doing anything to celebrate the news on Wednesday.  Her response was pretty bone chilling when she said, "But what if they tell me that I will die?"  Hearing Sol talk about death is almost like a joke and I feel like he isn't really going anywhere anytime soon but hearing her say that cut straight through my skin.  I sat there motionless and heard my own heartbeat. She brushed it off and said "Come on Come on.  Tell me more about your embarrassing moments."  I couldn't let it go so I said "I think you should have a party either way."  She smiled and said "Why?" and I said "Because either way you'll be surrounded by friends and family and you'll have fun."  She smiled and feeling encouraged I said "I can help plan it if you want.  It can be at a really cute wine bar and..."

"You really like helping people don't you?  This is why you never have time."  She bluntly said to me.  It was getting closer to where I was going to transfer and we exchanged numbers and she said "What would be the theme...Hey I'm peacing out.  Lets go party while I'm still here?"  And I said "I"m moving on to bigger and better things!"  It works in both scenarios!  She let out a pretty hearty laugh that leads me to believe she was humoring me beforehand.  She reached out and gave me a hug that almost brought me to my knees.  I hopped off the bus and I caught the #22 up to my apartment.

Lessons Learned:  Don't complain, especially not at a hospital bus stop.  On a more serious note there is a quote I once heard, "If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back."  Love your problems, it's guaranteed someone has it worse.  I will be sliding into heaven with a glass of red wine, dark chocolate cupcake, and a party hat in hand and I hope you all will join me!


If you would like to donate money or raise awareness about Cancer get involved with the American Cancer Society at www.cancer.org