The Great Burrito Date

I've had a few emails from people asking why I haven't been on any dates latley. I haven't been on any dates since the begining of summer for a few reasons. 1. I've been busy traveling, and when I am here I want to spend time outdoors with good friends. 2. I have been studying for the GMAT (Send me some good vibes people, I'll be taking my test tomorrow!). and 3. My last date was also one that would send most girls into thinking that dating might be too much of a hassle.

So I met this person whom I'll call Buddy at my old Church in lakeview. I'm not going to lie I didn't go very often but I did make a couple of friends while I was there.  A few were very into volunteering and I really enjoyed helping with the children's programs through Chicago Cares. I met Buddy through a girl at church who brought him along to a coffee meet up. She thought we would be a "great match" after she saw us interact.  What constitutes a "great match?"  Because none of those dates have worked out, ever.
 
So a little bit about my date, he is about 6'2 with a runners build, dark brown eyes, and deep olive skin.  Basically tall, dark, and handsome with a bit of preppy charm.  I knew he was incredibly friendly since I had met him once before during a volunteer outing with Chicago Cares.  If a guy volunteers on a Saturday morning you know that he has a good heart, and Buddy is no exception.  I was pretty excited to go out with him since I knew he was a nice guy and my friend stamped her seal of approval. 

When we coordinated this date all we had spoken about was him picking me up at 7:30pm and going out for dinner.  I had a new sleeveless v-neck deep blue and tan wrap dress that was ready for a spin.  I paired it with cute navy blue heels and got giddy for the date.  At 7:25pm he was downstairs and ready to pick me up.  As I walked outside of my building I didn't see a car.  I searched and saw a guy with a helmet waving to me from a scooter.  This isn't happening to me.  I faked an excited smile (the smile where you show ALL your teeth) and cautiously walked over. 

As I checked him out I noticed he was wearing a casual forest green polo t-shirt, jeans, and black chuck taylors.  He looked extremely casual.  He took off his helmet and had a huge grin on his face.  "Wow you're really dressed up cutie!"  I smiled clenching my jaw this time pressing my lips together tightly.  This isn't even a real motorcycle.  "Yeah, I didn't even realize that you had one of these I've only seen your car," I said as energetically as possible.  He grinned and said "It's my new toy.  I thought you would want a bit of adventure, plus we aren't going very far."  I thought about changing but figured it would take too long and I would seem high maintenance.  He let me wear the helmet and we took his scooter down Clark Street towards division.  I was wondering where we were going but didn't want to ask until we got to a stop light since I was afraid of bugs going in my mouth.  As soon as we got to the corner of division and state street he parked the scooter and went to pay for the meter.  He helped me put on the helmet so I wasn't exactly sure how to take it off.  After struggling and looking like an animal that got their head stuck into a small container I finally got it off as he was walking back from the meter.  He looked at me and laughingly said "Wow quite the hair you've got there now."  I looked at my reflection in a nearby store window and my  hair looked similar to a troll doll from the early '90s, there was no way I was going to get rid of this static cling.  I tried to pat it down as best as possible but just shrugged and decided this date was going to continue going down this path so I might as well enjoy it.

He helped try to smooth out my hair then he started to lead me towards our destination.  We walked right up to the Chipotle on the corner and he opened the door.  I wasted a good outfit.  I hope I don't see anyone so I can wear this dress this weekend.  He saw the look on my face and said "I picked this place because I heard how much you loved it."  I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had given it up since I was trying to lose weight.  I would make an exception.  We ordered and as he was paying he suggested we get a few beers.  We ordered a few beers sat down at one of the wooden booths and got to chatting.  He casually mentioned a surgery he had due to an old sports injury.  As we were finishing up, he asked if I wanted to stay and keep drinking.  I was enjoying the conversation so I agreed and he went up to the counter and ordered 4 more beers.  I was nursing my current beer at the time and didn't think I'd be drinking more than two.  Plus I didn't even think this guy drank so I was pretty surprised when he came back with two more for each of us. 

As the conversation progressed and he finished his two beers, I realized he was getting very loud and loopy.  I knew I wasn't going to finish my beer so I gave it to him.  Bad decision.  After 20 more minutes passed his words were slurring and he was really giggly and touchy.  I asked him if he was alright and he said that he was fine.  We kept on talking but I couldn't tell if I was the drunk one or if he was really that messed up after four beers.  I started wrapping up the conversation and got up to throw away our food when I saw him wobbling as he stood up.  When I walked over to him he turned around and I could see that his eyes were a bit glassy and he had that "I'm wasted" look on his face.  You know the look, where your squinty eyes and raised eye lids are desperatly trying to keep your eyebrows from falling down your face.  I jokingly said "I think you roofied yourself instead of me."  He looked shocked, then said "Oh god I didn't think the codine would be this strong."  An alarm went off in my head.  I had recently had a girlfriend who had taken a muscle relaxant and/or pain medication and threw up violently in my apartment after only a few drinks.  I don't think he could tell I was worried but I was getting that sinking feeling.  I went into a mom mode and asked what he took.  He rattled off some pill names that I didn't recognize except for hydrocodone.

Luckily I knew he lived close by so I held out my hand and helped him stand.  He ended up resting his lanky 6'2 frame on my shoulder.  The employees at Chipotle and the other diners were staring at me and I shook him a bit.  His eyes perked up and he started a string of apologies.  As we walked outside I told him that he couldn't drive his scooter.  Luckily he didn't fight me but he did try to walk on his own and after one step his equilibrium sent him tumbling into a parked car.  To our luck an officer was across the street and came over to investigate what was happening. 

The officer and his partner walked over and started interogating Buddy.  "What were you two doing tonight?"  His response "dayyyyyte" followed by chuckling.  After three questions I figured they were going to write him up for public intoxication so I interupted and said "Look he had surgery and whatever he took is not going well with the three beers he had tonight, this has been a nightmare of a date, can I please just take him to his house."  The officers looked at me and said "Three beers?"  I'm assuming they were thinking I drugged him.  Buddy said "yeah and I never drink."  They asked me where he lived and I told them it was 4 blocks away.  Buddy was leaning against the car he fell into and he put his index finger up to my face and said "Shhhhh".  The officers looked at me and asked if I would be ok taking him home.  In retrospect I probably should have asked them to help me.   We walked the blocks to his house and I had to sit him on the step to his extremely nice walk-up while I opened the door.  As we walked in I realized that he had a 3 or 4 story level home and I would more than likely have to get him up more stairs.  Getting him up there was pretty humerous and we sat on the 2nd floor laughing since he was so dizzy.  When we finally got to his room I sat him on the edge of the bed and helped him take off his shoes.  He kept apologizing and laughing at how funny this all was.  I felt bad for him because I could tell he was a bit embarassed, before I left I went downstairs to get him some water.  As I was making him finish the water and saying bye he shot up and said "Oh damn my scooter!"  He asked if I would bring it back to his place.  I said I would make sure to move it so it wouldn't get towed but I would be taking it to my building and he could come by to get it the next day.  He apologized and I made the walk back to Chipotle and to his scooter. 

I set out back the way I came and weighed my options.  I could try and drive the scooter home, or I could call someone.  I decided that watching Buddy drive did not qualify me as a scooter driver so I had to call someone to help me.  While walking I looked through my phone for someone who would possibly be awake and close by.  I almost called Chad who lived 1 block away but I figured it would be weird telling someone I formerly dated to help me take home a scooter of someone I went on a date with.  I settled for my married neighbor, Sam.  I tried to be brief but in his questioning I ended up telling him the entire story of how I came to be in posession of a scooter.  It took about 2 solid minutes for him to stop laughing.  Luckily he got out of bed and came to help me.  When he arrived he walked up to give me a hug and said "Wow, you look really nice for Chipotle.  And I can't believe you still smell like a burrito."  I responded with, "I think it's the smell of sadness."  We both ended up breaking out into laughter and I showed him how to start the scooter and we set off for our building.  He made me wear the helmet despite my protests.

We were able to park the scooter in my building's garage and since the valet guys found my story and my post helmet hair so entertaining they didn't charge me.