To my Daddy Gary

This is a special Tribute to my Daddy Gary...

My dad is a pretty special guy.  I say this because he did not have to be my dad.  He could have just been a guy who married my mom and had nothing to do with my upbringing.  Thank goodness he got involved because my strong personality didn't just come along at the age of 28 and I'm not sure if my mom could have handled me without a heart attack.  I have been hard headed, stubborn, passionate, and vocal since the moment I could voice my opinion.  Where did I get all this from?  Only God knows.  My mom is sometimes this way but generally she just wants to have a great time.

My step-dad was an active part of my life and made sure I learned lessons not just had experiences.  He was usually very busy during onion season but other than that he tried to make my basketball games, baseball games, ballet recitals, swim meets, and karate matches when he could.  When I did not do well he wouldn't blame the other team or opponent he would tell me I need to practice harder or get better but he never forgot to congratulate what effort I had made.  So as I result I never thought to blame anyone but myself for failures, setbacks, or unfavorable outcomes.  This is probably why even when things out of my control go wrong I usually think "What could I have done better?" 

I can remember vividly the first time I lied to him and it consequently was also my last.  He said "I am so disappointed in you.  I can't trust you anymore because you just ruined your credibility."  At that age I had no idea what credibility meant but the context clues put it together.  I was devastated. It is amazing what effect words have on a child when you mean so much to them.  I punished myself and did as best as I could to regain that trust but he did not make it easy.

I can also remember when he taught me about being a "do it yourself" person.  I thought owning a car would be really fun.  I pictured driving around in a red convertible with the wind blowing in my hair.  Instead I received an awesome crown victoria with white wall tires and an 8-Track.  I also got a lesson in insurance, changing oil, changing tires, and checking gauges.  When I told my friends what I learned they were baffled, but each of them learned how to check their oil.  When I was deemed responsible enough only then was I upgraded.

My Dad also taught me about owning your own business.  I watched as he went to work at 5am even in the SUMMER!  Shocking for a kid in elementary school.  He never gave us money we had to "earn" it.  As a kid I really liked this concept of earning things.  I would file in his office and I even worked there over portions of my spring break so I could earn my trips to the beach.  I liked working for myself more so in the 5th grade I assembled several "companies" with the help of kids in my neighborhood.  There was the car wash group, the babysitter club, and the cookie/lemonade/kool-aid business.  In exchange for $0.25 a car wash the neighborhood kids and my brothers agreed to work for me.  This was big money because you could get a bunch of chips, soda, or candy for $1.00 at the convenience store.  I in turn would make a profit of $3.50 + any tips.  The kool-aid business consisted of the babysitter club group cooking and making lemon-aid, cookies, cupcakes, etc. in my kitchen with our housekeeper Margarita.  My dad was very proud of me but I think he was concerned I was underpaying my staff.  

When I was older I learned about integrity and more importantly my "innocence."  This was the most uncomfortable and embarrassing conversation that happened somewhere in the middle of Nebraska on a road trip up North.  I was usually co-pilot or navigator on these trips and I loved just chatting and learning about whatever he felt like teaching me.  It was an important (but awkward) conversation that I think every dad should have with their daughters.  It also made me realize the importance of having a Dad in your life during that part of growing up.  If you have a good dad you don't really care what any other guy thinks about you and you sure as heck aren't going to do anything for another guys acceptance.  Bonding was easy for my Dad, he realized early on he had a girly-girl on his hands.  We had our father daughter time in the food court after shopping sessions, and sometimes my friends came along too.  Everyone was comfortable sharing with Daddy Gary.

When it was time for me to choose a University I asked him what school he wanted me to go to, and I still hear his response every time I have to make a tough decision.  He said "Clara I have taught you as much as I could through the years.  You are 18 and on your own to make the decisions for your life."  If that doesn't freak you out at 18 I don't know what will.  I still ask for advice, but the decisions are all mine. There are thousands more stories I could tell about the lessons I learned in the Palmer Household but that would turn into a book.  These lessons were valuable and they didn't always come easy or at convenient times but they have stuck with me years later. 

The most important thing to me was that I was able to be independent and felt special.  He was my guide when I was younger, and now he has evolved into my best friend.  I know that I can tell him anything free of judgment or lectures.  I'm sure he doesn't always want to hear "everything" but he does and when the story/situation/predicament is explained he always asks in his calming voice "Would you like my opinion?" 

Always, Dad, Always!