The Starby's Freebie

Every so often I allow myself to skip a "healthy" breakfast and have a skinny vanilla or soy latte instead.  Today I ran 3miles in the rain and I figured I earned it.  I am very glad I did because it was the most entertaining Starbucks visit ever.  There was a girl about 5'8 or 5'9 standing in front of me in all her lanky glory.  As I stepped behind her I had to take a step back.  She was moving around and I couldn't figure out what she was doing.  Turns out she was posing.  She had her hand running through her hair with her long legs spread, then she flung her hair to one side and started to eye sex the guy at the counter.  Then she changed her pose to cross one leg over the other and both hands behind her back.  No one was really sure what the heck she was doing and instead of flirting the barista gave a quizzical look back.  The guy behind me leaned down and whispered "Do you think she's a model?" I said "I think that she thinks she is a model."



She then turned around and I could see what was causing a commotion from the baristas.  Her purple silky shirt was buttoned only up to her red bra, and her white unlined skirt was hiked up.  She also had some tacky blotchy green granny panties on that killed the vixen vibe she was looking to achieve.  While waiting in line she turned around and set her doe eyes on tall guy behind me who I was snickering with earlier.  The way she was flirting you would have thought we were at a bar.  "So do you normally come here around this time?" followed by "I love your tie, its sexy, [long pause] do you work in the Accenture building?"  Then she winked.  I was SO confused.  Where exactly did she think we were?  The sexy tie tall guy behind me mumbled some responses but I could sense his discomfort.  I glanced around to meet his equally baffled face which looked like there was a question mark imprinted on it.  Was she trying to score a free drink?

I'm cannot lie I have flirted to get a free drink but normally it is a $12 beverage that includes a shot of vodka not a shot of sugar free vanilla syrup.  And no one asks someone to buy them a drink guys generally offer.  She kept glancing back to try and get sexy tie guys attention.  He put his hand on my shoulder leaned down again and asked me some questions about the muffins to avoid eye contact with the model.  She became irritated and gave me a nasty squinty glare that revealed exactly where she had her botox injections. 

What happened next was exasperating.  The Starbucks on the corner of La Salle and Lake always has a huge line so there is someone who runs through the line and takes your order then you just pay when you get to the register.  Today one of the two registers was broken so it was especially slow.  When she walked up to the register Ricky Martin's less buff but equally gay twin was waiting for her.  She leaned forward and said something that sounded like "the special."  Ricky had no idea what she was talking about and asked for a clarification of the order and method of payment "credit or cash."  She definitely got the wrong guy this time because he wanted nothing to do with her flirty eyes and sultry looks.  So sensing she was not going to get her way she said "Just call the manager, I don't normally pay for my latte."  Then the posing started up again.  Hand on the hip, one leg crossed over the other and scrunching of the hair.  Quick switch to tapping of the finger on the counter one shoulder lowered and the left leg pointed in front.

If there is one thing I know about 8 to 9am in a busy Starbucks it is never to hold up the line and keep addicts people from their caffeine.  There were about 10+ people behind me that were no longer amused by her antics.  I thought there were only two things that made normally calm Chicagoans yell and scream obscenities 1. Sports Teams, 2. Cab Drivers.  As it turns out there is a Number 3. Models who think they can get stuff for free. 


Three people behind me a woman opened up the sea of expletives by shouting "LADY PAY AH-READY! NUTHIN IS FREE DUMBASS!" Then the ball got rolling.  She looked over at sexy tie guy who was whispering with me and she pointed at her latte then smiled coyly.  He wasn't saying a word and I could feel his eyes on the back of my neck.  I turned around and saw he was contemplating paying to get the shouting to stop and so we could all get back to work.  Right when sexy tie guy was about to pull out his credit card a man somewhere in the line stepped forward to pay for the model and as every single woman glared viciously at him he stepped right back in line. 

Ricky Martin came back and his manager told her in a professional manner that they were not in the practice of giving away free drinks.  About five minutes had passed since she made it to the register and at this point no one was going to reward her ridiculous behavior.  She then started to argue that she knew someone named Matt who never made her pay.  When this did not work either and the yelling became more unified she whipped her head around like it was a dance move and turned to sexy tie guy behind me, Marc.  By this point he and I had become friends. He had his hand on my shoulder and was using me as some sort of imagined security shield.  Before she could open her mouth again Ricky Martin's manager said in a loud irritated voice "He is NOT paying for your latte.  Please get out of line."  She got out her wallet, handed him a $20 with gasps in the background.  Once she paid the applause started. 

I stepped up to the register and let out one of my "woo" gasps and made some ridiculous comment.  As I was gabbing and handing my debit card over Marc stepped right behind me and said "I'm paying for her Latte." 

I guess a girl can get a free drink at 9am.  What a way to start a day...